I apologize for the lack of updates over the course of the last week. Having been abroad for almost an entire week, deprived of the luxury of having my laptop at my disposal, my feelings of absolute home-sickness have been put to rest when we landed in the wee hours of the morning today.
I'm merely slugging my bedraggled lump of what some may call a body to my desk in hopes of providing one a possible insight into how the course of my week went. Frankly, I have no intentions of reliving it at all. It's not that the vacation wasn't good, it's just that I think some things are best laid to rest.
So while I sit here contemplating over some personal philosophies and having wave after wave of internal epiphanies; I must add a little note to what I have been feeling as of late.
I'd like to think of myself as someone who isn't emotional, but who the hell am I trying to kid, really? To put it quite bluntly, I do come off as the type of person who is impassive, deadpanned, inscrutable or more commonly termed, "poker-faced". In fact, the idea itself quite pleases me. I revel in anonymity and inconspicuousness.
I really need to cut it all short, so I can tie up these "loose-ends" and prepare myself for an exhausting day in college. What I really wanted to say is that, I feel a mixture between contentment and discontentment for where I am in life right now. It's as if I'm on an eternal journey to find out what my predetermined place is - somewhere along the lines I know I'll get lost, I know I'll lose some sort of sanity and I will make things harder for myself - yet; I just cannot help what's happened, happening and bound to happen in the future. And for that, I am still disconcerted over. Why am I here when I can be elsewhere?
Amid my exhaustive state in the blistering heat of this afternoon, a dear friend of mine and I had one of those conversations that can thrust one into a figurative state, a state of contemplation and provocative thoughts. Being challenged with the topic of "self-satisfaction", I admit that I am nowhere near attaining that position just yet, in life - and with where I am right now.
As a new term starts tomorrow, I hold deep grudges for having to be up at 6am once more. Why the hell are Monday classes at 8am? The day is blue enough for one to deal with.
With this little announcement, I bid to part with you goodbye for today. I'm just too physically and mentally exhausted to think about the term ahead - the challenges I'll be facing and what comes along with it. It seems the longer time I spend in college, the more unsentimental and nonchalant I get. That seems to provide some sort of comfort and disturb to me simultaneously.
source:autumncozy
September is approaching and I am reminded that I no longer hold a "wide-eyed, innocent" perception of the world to date.
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