Sometimes, I swear; we're the most dysfunctional family when it comes to individual relationships with the weighing scale. Every single digit is exhibited. It's almost disgusting.

Here I am, perched in the most precariously comfortably awkward position on my kitchen stool; sipping a cup of Chinese tea (only because coffee's bad for pressure cramps and stress acne); with colourful pens aligned in a role (preferably to stimulate physiologically); idly twirling coloured paper clips I have strung; fidgeting occasionally with my phone; just staring at a pile of notes I have been making since the start of the semester and actually wondering why we turn to technology for a release, when we've been burdened by it in the first place.

Studying at night is perfect. Studying at night is great. Studying at night wouldn't be ideal if you've been studying the whole day (or week for that matter) but it doesn't affect you now, does it?

And if you actually read this, you might note the decline in my mental state. Look at how finals drives all of us nuts. I hate updating my blog...but I've been doing it so occasionally now - as a source of relief. Yes, I'm under THAT much duress. 

I haven't been replying texts either. Only because they've accumulated to a mighty number. And also because when I'm studying, I filter the texts that don't contain anything worth discussing or the simple 'hi, how are you?'. I'm sorry, but I'm in no mood to answer, 'I'm fine.' when I clearly know I'll be lying. 

Nobody's fine. Nobody's good, okay? Nobody's ever going to be 'fine'. And it's always going to be the same process trying to figure and piece together a person; who looks fine on the outside, but is struggling immensely on the inside. He's never going to tell you, neither is she. They're going to carry on acting like everything's fine, smile their smiles. Eat their cake and tell you, 'I had fun today' when they most obviously didn't.

Why so? It's because we're all liars. And we're in need of lying. We need to do something about the truth; because we're forced to be honest all the time it pains us. So, I'm not going to apologize and say, 'I'm sorry I'm not able to make it because I have finals.' and I'm not going to whine about it.

I'm going to tell you that I won't even bother considering it because I have finals. And honestly; I don't care. I shouldn't care. Because, to begin with; I've never really cared for things like that.