pretend you can't feel, and you won't feel.

hey citizens,

i am once more blogging from my phone, because i feel that the last day of november should be acknowledged. it'll be the 1st of december tomorrow; and i feel pained to note that this is the last month to a very long and eventful year. i'd like to remember, because i'm scared to forget. i'd hate to grow old and not remember what i did when  i was 17 and questioning. maybe i'd still be questioning at the age of 40? 

A plethora of things has happened this year, reminiscing it often brings me bitterness, but i note that i have changed so much as a person and my expectations of life have developed further.

i don't want to turn 18 knowing i didn't do things the way i should have, but that's what youth is for, isn't it? to stumble,  fall and get hurt - only to pick ourselves up later. i've learnt the weak always stay down, but the strong pick themselves up. they don't recover immediately, but that's where they're strong, they put on a front the world cannot see through.

Days ago, i came to an epiphany. we often overlook the fact that everyone has a past, something painful that hurts them and still does; because we're too caught up with our own lives. sometimes, i wish i wasn't so self absorbed, but honestly honestly honestly - who has time to worry about others when you're struggling in your own shoes enough as it is?

I've  also learnt that physical attractions are fleeting and shortlived. one can't be affected by something when they don't allow themselves to be affected. i refuse to think,  most of the time. and i'm awfully good at pretending, so much to the point of believing my own pretenses. 

i'd like a real mental, emotional and spiritual connection, not something anyone else can tap into, but a world that is exclusively for the both of us. because romance should never be open. 

sometimes, we just grow too tired of caring anymore. 

happy november everyone. cheers to the 11th month of the year. may it be a time of lessons learnt. 

screw it, imma head back to my books, cause i have a long night ahead. i long for a drink. wtf.