She once told me, "It's not always going to be about fun and games. One day, you'll have to grow up too." Back then, I just let it slip a lot, under the pretense that 'I'm young, let me live a little'. Frankly, how many times will I have to pull that line on myself before I get old? I don't know. 

There have been many instances where I wished I could do a lot of things and be in a lot of places, or just simply wishing for time to pass. If I were to think back now, things that I held dear back then don't even mean a blip at the moment. In this instance, it's just me against the world; I know I'm not alone, but I feel like it's a walk to be taken alone. No one can walk it for you. 

When I weigh the consequences before acting upon anything, I often question myself to why I find the things I do at the moment important. 

No, it's not always about fun and games. 

Because it's time to grow up now. 

It's been quite some time since I last dropped word unto this blog. Much has happened. If I were to dive into it, it would be one of the most chaotic lines I'd have to think up. 

Life has just been there. It's fickle, but it's up to us to do our best to make it so much more. 

The one thing I've always loved more than happier times would be my independence. The existence of having no need to answer to anyone. Where you do no wrong and never mess up. The world is your oyster and you are its keeper. 

It would be ideal if my happiness didn't depend on anyone. But I'm beginning to realize that's ultimately impossible. 

It's funny how little things one says can make a person smile for days.

I find it hard to cope these days. It's either too much of something, too little of the other. I really don't understand how some people manage to balance out their time and priorities so well. When I try to draw out a pie chart, that's when I notice I simply have too many things to fit on my plate. 

What happened to keeping a healthy balance, aye? 

With plaguing worries and a countdown that just doesn't seem to get any closer; I feel a little like a drifter, sifting and hoping for the best in life. How can I end it before it ends me? 

I don't know how to put it into words anymore. Like how perseverance is something so pensive that pays off, but the wait to get there is just so hard. I don't know what I'd do without my friends and confidantes. This lifestyle is too fast-paced for me. 

With the whole hype of the mysterious disappearance of MAS' MH370, it leaves nations in shock, people in grief and a gaping hole.

It has also brought to light many shortfalls of the Malaysian government. I can't help but exercise sarcasm each time I watch the news.

I get so angry over how the country is handling the situation. It seems we don't have the right people to handle the press and neither do we have adequate minds to handle search and rescue. What more the nation's security protocols? 

What submarine can only be submerged 20 feet? I'm not even sure what bullshit to believe any more. The contradictions that arise in the news from various parties are too many. And frankly, I'm willing to believe another country's press over ours. 

But screw this shit. 

Just find them. Find them and bring them all home. 

When I compare myself to other 19 year olds, I'm not really sure where I stand. I guess I'd like to be able to say that I've done much more than others my age; but when I truthfully think about it, why haven't I done that? I mean, most of it is within my control and my reach. After all, who's to really stop me? 

I dream a lot. Maybe I spend more than a fair share of time dreaming than actually working for something. That bugs me to an extreme level. And it bothers me that I cannot go further than what I hope for. 

Perhaps, when I've realized that it's not easy surviving, it'll be easier to work. Oh perseverance, why do you desert me so? 

What is it about weekends that fly past in the blink of an eye. I'm irritated beyond my means at the insignificance of each weekend representing the minority of the happiness in my life. 

No, I should rely on myself to be happy. But I simply cannot wait for a dozen things to happen. And better yet, I count down to the days that signify an end and a new beginning. Of course we don't often have opportunities that we do now. I appreciate them, but it exhausts me. 

That being said, I hope for the best. I trust in Him. And I surrender all.