Has anyone ever been so misunderstood that they've had to turn to an avenue for relief? Never in my eighteen years have I considered myself to have ever come so close to turning into one of those relief-seekers. But time changes, situations change, people change and one no longer has the same thoughts outlined in clarity. What used to be right is no longer right; what used to be bad is no longer unacceptable. Suddenly, everything becomes acceptable. Everybody becomes an enemy. Trust no one. 

It's honestly so heartbreaking to feel that those whom you thought you could confide in would turn out to be such fucking judgmental cunts. So what if I feel like cursing? So what if I feel like not giving a fuck? So what if I think cigarettes are great? So what if I feel that sleep is an escape? So what if I think dying is an excuse? 

So what the fuck. As a legal adult; I deserve recognition for my beliefs. Instead of condemning them, don't you think the right question to ask is why do you think you feel that way? 

Because you don't fucking care. So don't fucking tell me how to run my life. What's right, what's wrong. Don't fucking tell me I shouldn't be thinking like that because you're not fucking helping. You could never help even if you wanted to. 

We look to others for encouragement, not criticism. And the very fact that you're out of consideration speaks a lot about you as a person, as a community, as a body of judgment. Don't look at me out of pity, because I need no fucking pity. I don't need your sympathy. I don't want you telling me what to do. I want you to listen. FUCKING LISTEN and just listen. 

I'm so tired of talking. So sad of waiting. So sick of silence. I'm not really sure where this is supposed to end. But I hope it does soon. Because it's fucking exhausting waiting for something/someone/somewhere that will never come and the disappointment will be destructive.