My heart has untamed wonder. I yearn to wander, yet I fear it. I long for stability, yet I reject it. 

source: other-wordly

via: thebluse

What a pointedly painful existence sometimes.

Thinking of Swedish House Mafia and wanting to bawl my eyes out just because it's their Last Tour.

My whole body's aching thanks to half-hearted stretching. Worse regret yet. 

Roadtrip adventure tomorrow, I'm looking so forward to it I get giddy. 

What a way to start the weekend. 

source: rainblowg

I've always wondered how people take such nice pictures of food when mine turn out horrendous. 

On another important self-note, my body aches in all the right places. I haven't been working out since coming back from the States and now starting back up is feeling so painful once more. Who knew combinational lean exercises could make you ache, hurt and moan for all the right reasons. I already have problems walking straight, but I keep chuckling when I think - "if a person shreds each time they are frustrated and sad - I'd be frameless by now." 

So weariness aside, I again wonder why is it that during the first couple of weeks back to the academic year, everyone is just so tired? I get up really early in the morning all perky and head off to college, by midday, I'm already dozing off in class. And the minute I get home, it takes a whole lot of extra will-power and caffeine to get into work-out mode. By 10pm, I feel like knocking out; but strive on because assignments won't do themselves. 

It's during moments like these that I realize the importance of priorities. How can a person survive in a world of judgement and varying expectations when they themselves have not set certain rules and boundaries that they abide by. Maybe it's because I've been so disoriented it's not a joke and almost up to my head in worries that I find talking to other people so peaceful. 

And because it is now almost 11.30 and my body can't take 6 hours of non-stop tutorials, a 2-hour meeting, a poor lunch, binged dinner, intense workout, exhausting piano practice, short funny bathroom sessions and inside jokes, teen drama in between, and the completion of an assignment that I think I'm going to call it a night. Cheers to the long day ahead. 

I just adore sociology so much, but I fear I may not understand everything he tries to tell us. Hahaha

Citizens, 

I don't apologize for the hiatus, because it's been a tough two weeks into the year. I haven't found myself adjusting to the rhythm of this new life and new year. So several things that I thought would change haven't exactly really changed just yet and I suppose it's time to get my big-woman pants on and man-up, like a real man. 

source: smexcellent-mermaid

I'm sick and tired of labels and what others think. It's really not that important. And despite how much we all say we don't care, we're dissatisfied and we're frustrated - only because we care - deep down. We just act like we don't. It's a tough life to live and it's a tough journey to adapt to. 

My mind is a constant wave of nothingness but simultaneously everything. I cannot think straight. I realize, I haven't been myself. Not this year, just not yet. Everything I do, every person I try to emulate - it's not me. It's just something I think that I'm going to become and start working on it, but it's not enough change to live up to it. 

I'm young, very young. I know that. What happens now doesn't signify the end of my world emotionally; it just shapes who I'm supposed to be and about to be. It hurts knowing something that you so hoped for didn't turn out the way it was supposed to be just because you over-thought and over-analyzed everything. But fret not, it's a long life. Nobody can really pull you down unless they mean that much to you, and this one certainly shouldn't mean anything. 

I smile, because I know I'll be better. It's not worth crying over something that never happened, or fretting over spilled milk. It's just not worth shedding tears over. So I feel, that it would best suited to say, I don't change, I learn (the hard way too, I might add). Cheers to a new start. 

source: Flickr/jacohaasbroek

This was just too cute. I really couldn't resist. 

I was excited for college today, but I'm feeling depressed for college tomorrow. Ohmygod. 

Plus, I have to demand to meet with a lecturer who is as scatter-brained as an unemployed gamer. Help me. 

Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)

source: blurrymelancholy

I remember reading this book a few years back. My best friend lent it to me. As much as i tried to devour it in one sitting, because I am impatient that way, I couldn't. It was beautiful and tragic, yet the tragedy itself was beautiful. It made me realize that there's so much more nobleness in character than appearances can accurately attribute back to us. It's also of tradition that is held so sacred and so virtuous and flawed simultaneously. 

It's times like these that I question what I'm actually doing. There is a bigger world out there. Why am I confined here? I demand answers to my queries but there's only one - time. Only time will tell. And as of yet, my time is naught . 

source:starsneedsdarknesstoshine

I used to think I was an extrovert. Back when I actually cared, I'd talk a lot. I'd say a lot of unnecessary stuff that made everyone else happy. I guess it made me happy too. 

These years, I revel in overwhelming silence. I bask in the quietness of my own mind, I think it's quiet. It's peaceful. A sanctuary - a getaway from reality. It's dangerous, you know. Sometimes, I feel myself slipping into it's abyss or the void I've unconsciously created. So much so that I forget to speak, that I don't need to talk - that I live in silence. 

It's a beautiful thing - the mind. At the same time, it's destructive. I wage internal battles with myself and I fuss over trivial things just because my mind tells me it's important. How wrong I can be sometimes. But it's the one place I'll lock myself into and revert back to my silent reverie. Life can be so overwhelming sometimes, all the time. 

source:sqeleton

Because it's my battle, let me fight it alone.