what's yours will find you
baby
it seems effortless for you. you make it look so easy. how do you do it?
everything i ate tasted like rubber, my feet carried me absentmindedly but i found a renewed focus in all the things i did - i wrote with a single-focused, i fixed my workflow, i studied, i worked out really hard and i crashed.
i also found the time to be present, i talked (a lot) and i found comfort in a long shower. my joy finds my slowly, in the planning - i read up on melbourne and sydney, for when if we ever make it. i could see it, and then i couldn't.
i got angry at you today; for intentionally choosing something over us. i didn't understand why you gave me grief for doing it before; but today i feel the pain of having become an alternative. it's not something i want to be accustomed to. and just as quickly as it comes, i find the grace to put it aside. i find grace to move on.
i don't want to acknowledge this, but i'm getting used to your absence. i don't know if i want this as much as i thought i did.
because it's possible to love someone so much and consider leaving them even more.
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