It's been almost 2 months. I try to recall a list of regrets or anything that weighs me down with sadness and I have nothing - I am simply bursting with joy and excitement.
I remind myself that happiness too, should be documented.
I remind myself that happiness too, should be documented.
The past 2 months have been exhilarating. Waking from the longest daze of my life, I felt like I was looking at the world in new technicolour.
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His fingers punctuated his keyboard with urgency and his eyes squinted over the screen.
That's what focus looks like, I remember thinking.
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"You cannot drop me, I have too much to live for," I huffed out, short on air - as I clung on dearly to the route.
"It's okay, I got you."
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"You're a fascinating one," he chuckles, handing me my coffee, careful to brush those fingers over mine.
"Thanks, I know."
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"You're like a diamond in the rough. Lucky me." He grins a boyish lopsided grin.
"Yeah, I am pretty fortunate."
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"Come see me in Melbourne. We'll go hiking, climbing and we'll even do the camper van. We'll have a great time," His hands on my own - fingers slowly intertwining with mine.
And I tasted tequila on my lips.
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"You seem really occupied. You're replying, but you're not really "here" now. I want there to be a future where you'll be fully present in our conversation." His eyes downcast and he chews on the edge of his lip.
"I don't know what to say."
"It's really okay. I'll wait."
And I know he will.
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"I think we'd make a great us-against-the-world narrative," He tilts his head, challenging me.
"Please don't fall in love with me."
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"How is it we've never really spoken until now? We've known each other for years," He leans forward, incredulous and somewhat surprised.
"I guess the timing wasn't right."
"It is now."
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"What happens now?"
It's a genuine question. I don't quite know myself, "I don't know."
"Well, I want to be with you."
"I can't. I'm in a happy place with myself right now."
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"You're absolutely glowing!" He envelopes me in a hug and all I feel is warmth and comfort of an old friend.
"I'm the happiest I've been in the longest time."
"Welcome back."
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"Can you feel that?" He grabs my hand and puts it against his chest."That's my heart going insanely fast, feel it!"
"Why?"
"You drive me insane."
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My best friend is concerned, I can tell. Her eyebrows are furrowed as she looks at me, tilting her head and trying to figure me out.
"What's going to happen?"
"Nothing," I say, "Because I'm so happy on my own; I don't validation from anyone else."
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