One more day.

source: brutalgeneration

“Take a shower, wash off the day. Drink a glass of water. Make the room dark. Lie down and close your eyes.
Notice the silence. Notice your heart. Still beating. Still fighting. You made it, after all. You made it, another day. And you can make it one more. 
You’re doing just fine.”

- Charlotte Eriksson 

Wondering and wandering

source: jonahreenders

I guess one of the main reasons why I still blog is so that I can hold on to some semblance of what I used to be. I have a fleet of questions that swirl in my consciousness. 

"Does he still think of me?"

"Will it ever hurt any less?"

"When will the pain stop?"

Two weeks on and it's still all I can think about. 

I know I'm getting better, but I'm still grieving. 

Why why why is it so hard to let go of someone who gave you up? 

9 days on.

via: twistedtheory

Grief, is all I feel these days. 

Pulling on a brave front is all I do now. 

via: r-ideout

source:weheartit

One week.

8 days later and it’s felt like an eternity.

Things have a funny way of turning out.

Amidst the grief and pounding heartbreak that I’ve had to wade my way through alone, I’ve found countless other things to occupy myself and fill my time with.

From digging all over the internet for music worth listening to, lyrics worth freaking out over; reading anything and everything that I can get my hands on; watching movies; familiarizing myself with conceptual art and thought-provoking poetry. Experimenting with writing, photography and everything there is.

I’ve spent more time with my family; from simply running errands to hours-long conversations over brunch. I’ve spent more time at home and picking up on things that I’ve neglected while I was busy juggling everything over the past year. I learnt to sit down in the dreadful silence, face up the most dreadful and saddest of moments by acknowledging the end of something and allowing the beginning of something else to come under way.

More than not, I sat down and made plans. Plans for myself, for my future – the things I want to do that I haven’t yet done.

I’ve considered everything from travelling, to working part-time, to volunteering, to getting more involved in sports and recreational activities. And truth be told, there’s nothing holding me back from indulging myself in them.

I’ve wanted beach days, highland drives, hiking trips and foodie adventures for oh-so-long. And I’ve stopped depending on others, I’ve got myself to count on.

This incident has taught me how blessed I am to be surrounded by so many people who care and are actually there. I realize, it’s not about the quantity of your friends; but how many you are close to. And I can safely say that I have many close friends.

Ultimately, I know I will continue to find happiness in myself. I have to be happy on my own.

At the end of the day, it has struck me. 8 days alone is better than 10 months with a stranger. 

I have decided to take the recent tragic turn of events as an indicator to start blogging again. 

Take it as an avenue to rant my written feelings. 

It's over. 

We were both wrong. 

Have faith, beautiful.

Tea Time, Edinburgh (by Natalie Champa Jennings Photography)

"Though you weren't mine

You were my first love"

Lullabies - by Yuna. 

Let's all admit, that despite how imperfect we know we are; we are still constantly comparing ourselves to people whom we think up us on a scale of our own idea of 'perfection'. 

We all make that mistake. I make that mistake. And I've been making that mistake more and more as of late. 

But yet, we are loved. We are surrounded by love; all of it, everywhere. And dare I admit, dealing with it sometimes can be one of the most beautifully terrifying things to encounter.